we are ugly bitches.

2008-07-01T00:47:00.001+08:00

Every other entries will be at:

http://ally-allie.livejournal.com/

2008-06-30T01:21:00.003+08:00

I'm not only telling you. I'm telling everybody. Yes, i don't know how long more i'll live. I don't even know the outcome. I just want more time. I just want a little more time. A little more time to win you back, to win your heart. I'm respecting you and your feelings. You're my priority and you do know that. I don't like to seek for your attention just to check if you really care. It doesn't matter to me now. It's doesn't even bother me now even if you don't give a damn. You know how much you mean to me. And i'm willing to give you all the space you want.

2008-06-25T23:42:00.002+08:00

Had a talk with LY and she realise i've changed quite a bit. That's because we haven't been talking!!! Met mom and daph at TM. Went to get my phone (it's damn F-cool) and bumped into botak nic. And the best part was, he was damn thick skinned!!!
Nic: Your mother ah?
Me: Obvious right?
Nic: Auntie, I join you guys for dinner okay?
Me: -SHOCKED. That's damn thick skinned man.
Mom: Of course you can. do join us.
Daph: The more the merrier.
So, after dinner, headed home with Nic. Took the same bus and we talked about things i didn't know at all. It was fun after all, Nic joining my mom and i for dinner. And he said my mom's damn cool. We even smoked together while my mom stood next to me asking all of us not to smoke so much. -laughs.

Took lots of pictures in school today. Will upload it once Eldora darling uploaded it. More pictures to come tomorrow!!

2008-06-24T23:33:00.004+08:00

Goodbye my almost lover. Goodbye my hopeless dream. I'm trying not to think about you. Can't you just let me be? So long my luckless romance, my back has turned on you. Should i know you will bring my heartache, almost lover, always do.I can't wake up in the morning without you on my mind. So now you're gone and i'm hurting. I'll make it right and make it easy.

I've decided to go for the study trip to Melbourne. I think the total cost of air ticket plus taxes plus hotel lodging and all is about two thousand bucks (wow wow wow, so not expensive!). Tomorrow's submission of the document plus two hundred bucks deposit. So glad Marcella and Sapphira are going too. Eldora and Valsy, tell me you guys are going too!!

Another exciting thing!! I'm gonna get my new phone tomorrow (Oh, YES! FINALLY).

Spent the whole day in school with classmates, without Eldora darling, and then spent some time with others at bizpark. Made Eilis and Marcella walk to CGH with me to meet Priscilla just to get something (thanks for the gift from Seattle, dear). And then, F-HEAVY RAIN!!!! We so so so hate the rain, especially when Eilis is hungry okay! It's really bad. I think she wanted to chop me into pieces. SCARED!!

(edited: Marcella, thanks for trying to be there for me all the time although i'm always damn auntie. Eilis, thanks for listening to me when i'm like crying non-stop on the phone for almost ten mins. LY, thanks for answering my calls in the midst of your work, and you had to listen to my crying and think of funny things to make me laugh. Thank you for being there)

Shida the Geisha!! and ally allie(:

2008-06-23T00:36:00.003+08:00

Ask me for my status and i'll tell you i'm single. Yes, i am. So please don't ask me if i'm attached or anything. I want to get a new phone!!! I wanna get Samsung i780. It fucking costs 828 bucks without contract. Hmm, should i or should i not? What should i do now? Would it be right? Is this what she wants right from the start? I wouldn't know.
Daphne Yong, this is the so called quiz you want me to do. I think it's damn stupid. And i wouldn't ask anyone to do this. I think they will think it's stupid too. -laughs

First :
Best friend : Muran
Pet : Pomeranian puppy!
Piercing : Ear Lobe laaaaaa.
Crush: Eunice Tay
CD : S Club 7
Car : A red toy car.
Stuff animal : I think it's a bumble bee(:
Love : I don't even remember who's my first love.
Place called home : Aljunied Joo Seng Road.

Last :
Beverage : Mocha from Bizpark.
Car ride : Bus ride you mean?
Movie seen : I don't watch movies for god's sake.
Phone call : Priscilla Phileon
Song you listened to : Everything I'm Not by The Veronicas.
Bubble bath : Probably a couple of months back.
Time you cried : Oh, yesterday 22th june! (I fell at work)
Thing you ate : Baked fish penna with tomato base. -yum yum

Have you ever :
Dated one of your best friends : I don't usually have best friends.
Been arrested : No please. Look at me!
Skinny dipped : Wonder what's that man.
Been on a limo : YES! My uncle's. which is like two years back in HK.
Cheated : Yes? No? Maybe? Someone cheated my love.
Been in a car accident : Never ever gonna try that.
Broke a bone : Not at all.
Bad thing you did : Broke many hearts.

Things you've done today :
Favourite things : Nicotine intake, Camwhoring and Bizparking
People you tell almost everything to : Eilis, Eldora and some random strangers i don't even know well.

Choices :
Live or die : Live.
Sweets or chocolates : Sweets and more sweets.
Swim or run : Swim ( i wouldn't collapse).
Things you want to do before you die : Watch the sun rise and nights skies with her*
Do you have true friends : I guess i do.
Things you regret : Not being able to love her* the way i always wanted to.

2008-06-22T23:55:00.003+08:00

I was just wondering when's the last time i fell. The next thing happened, i fell during work. I've like a big bruise on my knee cap and a cut on my elbow. Plus i was super sleepy, my thumb were slammed by the damn fridge's door. And i burnt my left fingers with the F-hot cream of mushroom. This is what happens when i'm not in the right state of mind. My mind went wandering around the forest trying to search for the same tree but to no valid. It kinda came back after the fall, which is when i started to feel the pain. Can you feel my pain? It is like superdupermajorultra painful. -sayangs-

It's time. It's time to say goodbye. But I swear i'll make it right.

2008-06-19T01:33:00.003+08:00

CSA early in the afternoon, and it's not even one quarter completed. Deadlines' on monday 9am!!! Holy mother, how am i going to complete the damn spreadsheets and stuff plus plus plus macroecons' news articles which includes four hundred words analysis for each article?!! And just so you know, i'll be working every single day from twelve to ten thirty pm!! Tell me, how do i complete it? It's quite bad to start my first year first semester this way. I need to change for the better. For your sake, and mine, i'll change.

Spent some time at Liat's starbucks with dar before Nurul, Mel and Yangs came over. Nurul has this (stupid) game that draws lines. Thought it would be fun. But but it's damn stupid. Seriously, it's F-stupid. Well, nice seeing you guys in town (instead of bizpark all the time).

2008-06-18T02:12:00.003+08:00

usted se ha preguntado siempre cuanto usted significa a mi? usted ha pensado siempre en amarme la manera te quiero? apenas usted sabe tan, usted sigue siendo el que falto la mayoria.

2008-06-10T00:10:00.002+08:00

Twenty year old. That's my age. Am i old? I don't feel old though. I still feel that i'm fucking naive and immature. I want things the way i want it, and nothing can stop me from doing what i want. I hate celebrations. I don't like to celebrate my birthday. It always turns out disappointing.
Me: Birthday girl is reaching home soon.
Mom: Not time yet.
Me: It's only forty minutes away!
Mom: You're getting older, not younger and you're still so happy. Horrible girl.
Me: HAHA. It doesn't matter to me. I don't even feel like i'm sixteen.
Mom: As long as you are happy, I am happy for you.
Me: (:

I wonder what happens if i were to tell her i'm unhappy actually. I've not been a happy girl for a long time already. I just want to be really happy for a day.

2008-06-09T01:33:00.002+08:00

I don't want to do anything on my birthday. I just want to lock myself in the room and smoke for all i want. I don't need anything for my birthday. I just want you to be there when i call. I've never loved someone so foolishly. I've never protected my heart. I hear it in my mind all of these voices. I hear it in my mind all of these words. It breaks my heart. ):
Don't want you to be upset.
Don't want you to be gloomy.
Just want you to be the happiest girl on earth.

(I wonder how i get so many cuts on my hands)

2008-06-07T11:54:00.003+08:00

Three days to go. That would be seventy two hours. I know you guys are planning something for my birthday. I've no clue what is it about. Not even a little clue. But i really hope it wouldn't be a disappointment.
Thank you guys. You guys have been such great friends and companion. You guys are always there when i'm emotionally stressed and physically worn out. Thanks a lot.
And thank you, Daphne Yong. You're the only one who knows me inside out. You know it when i'm down or when i'm happy. You can read me like a book. That makes you special.
And you, i want you to know, i'll always be there for you.

2008-06-05T22:23:00.002+08:00

When the moment gets too hard, end of the road can feel so far. No matter how much time we are apart, I'm always near you. I'll be the shelter in your rain, help you find your smile again. Because I'm never gonna walk away, even when the walls come down someday. All alone and you feel afraid, I'll be there when you call my name. You can always depend on me. I believe in forever ends. I will be your friend.

I would give you everything you ask for. And i will always be ready to give you a lot more. I would also give the world, right in the palm of your hand.

If heaven and hell decided that we both are satisfied, illuminate the NOs on our vacancy signs.

*I got my knuckles bruised by a lady in black.

2008-06-04T19:47:00.002+08:00

This is when the heart starts to sing its song. This is when we feel the emotions in it. This is when we start to build up all the emotions in us. Take my hand and join me in it. I didn't know where to turn to. Thinking that i somehow deserve it. If you didn't notice you mean everything. I am learning how to love again, right from the start (the very very beginning). All i know is that i'm gonna be okay. It is so gonna hurt when it heals too. But it'll all get better in time. Was it all that easy to just put aside your feelings? And even though i really love you, i'm gonna smile because i deserve to. Just want you to know i do love you. Yes, i do.

2008-05-31T21:17:00.002+08:00

Accounts, accounts and more accounts. I so hate accounts. But what can i do? I've no choice but to keep on studying. I don't want anything or anyone to affect my studies. Life's been like a rollercoaster, and it is still going on. You've no idea how much i dislike the rollercoaster. Maybe we should try the reverse bungy instead. Priscilla was quite random. Sweet though. She sent this: "Hey girl, I know that you are probably very hurt and broken now. But a broken spirit and a contrite heart the Lord will not despise. Sending you love tonight. I know i can't comfort you but i pray that the spirit Himself will comfort you. When you have no words to pray, no tears to cry or no feelings to feel, Holy spirit knows and comforts."
Keep up the good work, Ally.
You are doing fine.
And you're happy this way.

2008-05-30T22:51:00.004+08:00

I was suffering from gastritis the whole of last night since seven pm. I thought the pain will go away. But no, I was wrong. The pain got worst. Took a cab over to Priscilla's to get some medicine, it was too painful for me to even walk. So in the end i went to the hospital. The doctor said I need to be admitted. Obvious i'm unwilling. I can't imagine myself lying on the bed, in the hospital with so many people staring at each other, spreading germs. So i thought he would just give me some kind of medication to stop the pain. But he gave me this jab (as shown below) and kept me there waiting for an hour to observe if the pain remains. Because if there pain doesn't go away, I'll have to be warded. So after an hour of waiting, I was super tired already. I went to the doctor and told him I'm actually feeling better and I want to go home. The pain was still there though. This was written on the documents: "Advised to be admitted. Patient is unwilling. Request discharge."

Look, this is the cool-est picture i've ever taken.

I don't want any changes between us.
I want us to remain the same.
Just like the past.
Because you wouldn't know how much you mean to me.
I'll never trade you for the world.

2008-05-28T22:37:00.003+08:00

I got to pick myself up. But where do i start? There's no more stars left, leaving the sky alone day and night. Where are the stars? Will it come back to the sky? I love the stars. I love the stars so much that i would trade anything just for it.

2008-05-27T22:54:00.006+08:00

This is what i do. I get things done really quick if i want to. But if i don't want to, I'll take forever. I want time to pass really slow. Maybe we should have like at least 40 hours a day? Then i'll be able to study. Well, at least try to settle down within six hours. Wonder what's wrong with me? Make a guess. It's kind of obvious. Everything's in a mess now, and i don't feel good about it. Things are changing. Everybody's behaving so weirdly. Who the hell would take a cigarette out in the middle of Bizpark and start smoking? Who the fuck would that be? That's me. I'm the fucker. Ohwell, I do hope things will turn out fine. I'm refering to everything. EVERY SINGLE THING. Especially my papers.
Mel, shit happens all the time. I'm sure you'll be able to get through this. I'll be there for you.
Roy, same goes to you. Do hope everything's fine for you and Eilis. And I'll pray that everything will go on smoothly (not so sure about it. but i do hope so okay).
LY, don't be so stressed. All you need to do is get over and done with elections. The rest you can take your time and think.

I would do anything to please.
I would want to be the only one who cares for you.
But won't you give me a little more love? -whines

2008-05-26T00:39:00.002+08:00

May i ask how much would it cost to buy some love?
If you've been neglected, what would you ask for?
Would you ask for some time?
If you feel unloved, what would you ask for?
Would you ask for a little more love?
If you feel unappreciated, what would you ask for?
Would you ask to be appreciated?
How much does it cost to buy a little love and a little time?
And how much does it cost to buy a little conversation?

2008-05-13T22:43:00.002+08:00

If you are my star, I'll be your sky.
You can hide underneath me and come out at night.
When i turn dark, you can show your light.
Because i live to let you shine.

2008-05-13T00:11:00.002+08:00

The bible says that God sees my future and my failures now, but why doesn't He helps? Does He wants to see me in pain? See me being hurt by people around me? I really don't understand what the fuck is wrong with the whole world. Why the fuck people try getting in the way in almost every single thing I do. And how the fuck am I supposed to deal with these irritating and annoying people. I'm so peeved. Oh god damn it. Fuck these people man. I'm craving for ben and jerry's strawberry cheesecake ice cream. And and and, white chocolate mocha frappuccino ice blended cream!!!

2008-05-09T19:07:00.004+08:00

You've got guts, and you shoot straight from the hip. I admire that. Since then, I have come to the conclusion that I am the difficult person. The people i thought were difficult are difficult from having to deal with me. Yeah, I lose patience when I think people are wasting time. But i have a lot to do, and when i have the future in my sights, people keep getting in the way and slowing me down. What do I do? Don't mince words. Just got to be honest. I can take it, I have a pretty hard shell.

You make my heart slow down.
Your touch makes me feel like heaven.
Your words make me fall deeper.

Sheeda took a picture of me in skirt.
I know this is super unglam. ):

2008-05-07T22:12:00.002+08:00

Every second spent with you seems to be the last second.
And i want to treasure the time i spend with you.
I don't have a lot of time.
But i'm willing to spend some time with you everyday.
I'm fine even if i get to see you for only ten mins.
Somehow i thought of the past earlier.
And i remember every single thing that happened.
It hurts quite a bit still.
I'm not surprised if others think i'm dirty.
But it hurts okay.
It hurts, deep down inside.
You wouldn't know how much it hurts,
because i've a rather thick surface over me.
Just so you know.

2008-05-07T00:30:00.002+08:00

Don't judge a book by its cover.
You'll never know what's in it.
If it's a book without cover, you'll see it all.
But i'm a book with cover.
Check out what's in it before thinking otherwise.
What we need now is a magical wand.
I can't seem to find it.
I'm too lost.
Can you please search the whole world just to look for me?

2008-05-05T23:33:00.002+08:00

Have you ever wonder why are you the one i fell for?
Do you know what i love about you?
I love the way you smile.
I love the way you giggle.
I love the way you laugh.
I love the way you talk.
I love the way you sound.
I love the way you stare at me.
I love the way you look into my eyes.
I love the way you hold me.
I love the way you hug me.
I love the way you kiss me.
I love the way you touch me.
I love the way you grab me.
I love the way you lean on me.
I love the way you tease me.
I love the way you take me the way i am.
I love all the little things you do and say.
You are the one who makes my heart beat faster and slower at the same time.
You are the one who makes me happy everyday.
And that's why you are the one who won me over.
You are the only one who satisfied my heart and soul. (:

2008-04-28T22:59:00.002+08:00

I'm so lucky, I'm so lovely.
You can fool yourself.
I promise it will help.
There's nothing you can do, just scream and shout.

Going to church is like a chore.
Having sushi for dinner is satisfying.
Going starbucks for frapp is like heaven.
Taking care of sky, I'm not quite sure if I'm able to do a good job.
I will try my best though.

You may not feel my love,
but i do hope you know it is there.
You may not see me often,
but i do hope you know that i yearn to see you everyday.
(:

2008-04-18T23:48:00.003+08:00

It could all be simple.
But loving You is like a battle.
I don't know how to draw closer to You.

2008-04-12T12:33:00.003+08:00

What can you see if you're standing under the sky?
Will there be a sun?
Will there be a crescent?
Will there be a full moon?
Will there be lots of stars?
I see nothing even if i know there are lots of stars.
I see nothing except smoke.
from a ciggarette.

2008-04-09T15:32:00.000+08:00

Don't forget I'm the one you need.

2008-04-07T15:36:00.005+08:00

Do you have the fizzy feeling?

Or perhaps the sizzling tingling feeling?

Do you know what I mean?

I do have it, all the time.

Anyway, I took a new pictures of myself with my new hairstyle.

and a new piercing. ((:

2008-04-04T02:20:00.002+08:00

Worn me down like a road,
I did anything you told.
Worn me down to my knees,
I did anything to please.
But you can't stop thinking about it.

PS: i got into temasek poly !!! (:

2008-04-03T01:45:00.002+08:00

This is the way that I've been.
This is the way I'll always be.

I HATE LIVING IN THIS DUMB WORLD.

2008-03-26T13:20:00.002+08:00

the rain is falling.
and we're hiding in the room.
give me your hand and i'll warm it up for you.
give me your heart and i'll keep it safe.
we can fall asleep on my queen sized bed together.
i'll let you cuddle up to me.
and i'll give you kisses on your forehead.

2008-03-24T13:19:00.002+08:00

i'm in deep trouble.
not me. my brother is.
grandpa found out about Jeryan's case.
and his blood is like boiling.
overshot hundred degree already.
it is THAT horrible.
i think grandpa wants to chase Jeryan out of the house.
can you tell it is this horrible?
someone please help me.
i want to get out of this place before grandpa stabs me.
i think i'll be the first to die.
save me !!

2008-03-23T00:34:00.001+08:00

i've nothing to blog about God.
i've nothing to blog about myself.
i've nothing to blog about others.

why should i bother to blog right?
oh gosh. this is really boring.
byebyebyebyebyebyebyebye.

2008-03-10T00:34:00.005+08:00

had a great time with my spiritual sisters after the 9am service.
we went bowling and had lunch at Marche, Vivo city.
headed over to Yingying's for tea session.
and i had a power nap on her comfy sofa.
oh, they took a picture of me just after lunch.
take a look at it.
i seriously look like a baby.

i've drawn away from God the past two weeks.
was quite depressed and stressed.
but after an hour of praying in church,
i realise God is the one i need most.
and i shouldn't have walk away from Him.
cause now i do know,
i love Him.
i want Him.
and i need Him.
all the time.
for i know, He'll be there.

took 'Baby Picky' from Marche. (:

2008-03-04T01:15:00.002+08:00

what is Grace and what is Truth?
what is Grace without Truth?
and what is Truth without Grace?
i do agree that grace is something we can't earn.
it is something given to us by God.
but does it mean it is an unconditioned love and acceptance?

when i'm in church or with my christian friends,
they will tell me that smoking is wrong and i should repent.
they don't know how many times i've tried quitting,
how many times i had tried to be a good and devoted christian.
i found that i can actually be honest about my failures.
but more importantly, i can be honest about my helplessness.

God so loved the world,
that He gave His one and only son,
that whoever believes in Him,
will not perish,
but have everlasting life.
(John 3:16)

2008-02-27T11:29:00.002+08:00

i'll never want our memories to be faded.
all the times we had will never be replaced by someone.
because you're the sun in my sky.

I WANT TO TATTOO A CROSS ON MY CHEST. (:

i'm not spirtually oriented.
i can't hear what God wants to say to me.
i feel that He's been trying to speak to me.
but too bad.
don't get it at all.

2008-02-21T00:20:00.002+08:00

if i am lost for a day, try to find me.
if i don't come back, then i won't look behind me.
all the things that i thought was so easy,
just got harder and harder each day.
i dreamt i was dying, as i so often do.
when i awoke, i'm sure it was true,
i went to the window and threw my head into the sky.
and said 'whoever is up there, please don't let me die'.
i can't live forever.
i can't always be alive.
the pages keep turning.
and i'll mark out each day with a cross.

2008-02-17T01:06:00.002+08:00

when the rain is pouring down,
and my heart is hurting,
no one knows. no one cares.
and i know this is what i want.
because everything is gonna be alright.
everything.

no one can change my feelings.
no one can get in the way of how i feel.

2008-02-14T10:46:00.002+08:00

HAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY !!
such a good day but i've so many things to do.
got to go to school for presentation.
then got to rush to work.
there is no way i can relax after working so hard for my major project.
have been quite sick recently.
flu and sore throat and fever.
on and off. sickening.
but i will pray about it.
because GOD heals.

darling darling, i love you i love you i love you.
buy me valentine's day present ahh.
hahaha.
butterfly kisses to you. ((:

2008-02-09T13:49:00.001+08:00

i've not been feeling well.
need to get ready for work soon.
i dont want.
-whines-

2008-02-07T14:10:00.000+08:00

Jesus loves me! This I know,
For the Bible tells me so.
Little ones to Him belong;
They are weak, but He is strong.

Yes, Jesus loves me!
Yes, Jesus loves me!
Yes, Jesus loves me!
The Bible tells me so.

Jesus loves me! This I know,
As He loved so long ago,
Taking children on His knee,
Saying, “Let them come to Me.”

Yes, Jesus loves me!
Yes, Jesus loves me!
Yes, Jesus loves me!
The Bible tells me so.

Jesus loves me still today,
Walking with me on my way,
Wanting as a friend to give
Light and love to all who live.

Yes, Jesus loves me!
Yes, Jesus loves me!
Yes, Jesus loves me!
The Bible tells me so.

Jesus loves me! He who died
Heaven’s gate to open wide;
He will wash away my sin,
Let His little child come in.

Yes, Jesus loves me!
Yes, Jesus loves me!
Yes, Jesus loves me!
The Bible tells me so.

Jesus loves me! He will stay
Close beside me all the way;
Thou hast bled and died for me,
I will henceforth live for Thee.

2008-02-05T11:26:00.000+08:00

when i was at work yesterday,
i was just texting Crystal that i can't wait for my last day.
and guess what?
yesterday's really really my last day of internship.
I AM SUPER DUPER MAJOR ULTRA HAPPY.
God is really very good.
He is always extremely good to me.
praise God for that!
Christine mommy and Pris jiejie are sick.
so keep them in prayer.
im going shopping with darling.
need to get a lot of things.
her expenses will be on me today.
so don't be surprise if tmr i were to say i'm broke.
byebyebyebyebyebyebyebyebye. ((:

2008-01-25T01:30:00.002+08:00

Dear Lord Jesus,
you've blessed me with so many things.
so many little things that i've so much thanks for you.
you answer me whenever i call for you.
you answer my prayers whenever i needed you to.
you hold back the rain each time i've asked you to.
you gave me so many things that fills my heart with joy.
i'm very thankful. very much, in fact.
yet i feel so broken inside.
darling kept saying i'm a liar.
i didn't lie.
i've been trying to change.
i've been telling everybody the truth.
even if the truth hurts.
i do know that this is what You want me to do.
this is what You want from me.
but these clouds of accusation hurts me.
the accusation and judgements hurts me deep down.
there is no way i can change the way i feel.
but i know i can, if i'm willing to.
You've been through all the things we go through.
You do know how it feels like.
i pray that You will give me the heart of strength.
i pray that Your truth will shine forth
and Your love can comfort me.
i pray that You will show me the path You want me to take.
You've showed me Your unfailing love.
and because of Your love, my heart can rejoice.
i'll be on my knees just for You.
i live my life for You, Father.
take away all my tears of sorrow.
take away all my fears.
take away all the bad things around me.
for i believe You will only want the best of me.
and You will only give me the best.
in the name of Jesus,
Amen!

i'm not a liar. i don't like to lie.
i wouldn't lie to you.
because i love you.

2008-01-22T23:58:00.000+08:00

for every breath i take, i will give thanks to Jesus Christ.
for every step i take, i will give thanks to the Lord.
for as long as i live, i will keep giving thanks to God.

2008-01-21T23:54:00.000+08:00

i realise i've done quite a few wrong things.
and said quite a few wrong things.
i need to reflect on so many things before i turn in.
Christine mommy said reflection is good.
and that i should reflect on it.
i wouldn't realise if priscilla jiejie didn't mention.
reflection.
reflection..
reflection...
in progress still.

2008-01-17T00:00:00.000+08:00

"Be strong and courageus. Do not be afraid of terrified. For the Lord your God goes with you. He will never leave nor forsake you" (Deuteronomy 31:6)

2008-01-15T21:23:00.000+08:00

ENDOSCOPY.endoscopy. Endoscopy.
should i go for it?
yes? no? maybe?
O Lord, give me an answer.
God, if you care, let me hear you.

thanks for being there whenever i needed you.
thanks for showering your care and your love.
i love you. (:

2008-01-14T22:21:00.000+08:00

will blog when the mood's here and when there's something for people to know.

2008-01-08T22:41:00.001+08:00

starbucks' signature hot chocolate and granny's raisin scone for lunch again.
it's been like this since last week.
one more month to go.
and i'll be free from working.
praise the Lord. (:

You are everything to me.
and i do love you.

2008-01-07T23:37:00.000+08:00

terrible mense cramps!!

2008-01-03T23:31:00.001+08:00

take away those dreams that haunt me.
take away those painful memories.
take away those painful incidents.
take away those fears in me.
take me away if You can.
take me to a place where i wouldn't remember all the incidents.
take me to a place where i could see more joys than sorrows.
take me to a place where i could live my whole life happily.

2008-01-02T21:36:00.000+08:00

started work at a new department.
and i've learnt so many things on the first day.
there's more to come tomorrow. ((:

baby, come over to me.
take me away with you.
let me be the one for you when you're down.

2007-12-30T23:22:00.000+08:00

wore a red polo tee with white berms and white vest to church.
priscilla and cell group said i look like a national flag.

learnt three points during service.

all thanks to priscilla that i can remember those three points.

anyway, thanks for the logistics magazine and the calendar with meaningful words.

so, i met darling over at her place.

we went ice cream chef (an ice cream shop).

it's somewhere near siglap.

the place's not bad. but the ice creams are awful.

it doesn't seems to taste as good as what darling described.

let's go to the cheesecake cafe one day.

i would want to try the cheesecakes there.

i want to order one of each. hahahaha.

i shall gorge myself and be a glutton.

oh maybe not.

darling and i made a bet to see if i can lose weight till 40kg in three months.

she thinks i can't make it.

i shall prove it. and i shall remain 40kgs.

here are some pictures taken today.

in ice cream cafe.

three points i learnt in church.

1. delight.

2. development.

3. destiny.

i want to love every inch of you.

i want to taste every part of your body.

i want to get lost in your eyes.

let me touch your soul with my passion.

2007-12-27T00:54:00.000+08:00

many things happened the past few days.
auntie Mary passed away and everybody still could not believe it.
worked at jack's during christmas eve and christmas day.
took a few ugly pictures.
and i received a few christmas gifts.
Yingying gave me a pen and it's really very nice.
Crystal gave me a bottle of shower foam from body shop.
Charlene gave me a pair of ear studs from mushi mushi.
Emeline gave me a box of fruit and nut chocolates.
Edna gave me a huge box of chocolates too.
and i feel so bad because i didn't get them any gifts.
oh well, probably next time.
oh yes, i took a picture with Christine - the cell group leader.
she seriously looks like mommy.
guess i'll blog again another day.

2007-12-16T22:37:00.000+08:00

auntie mary (priscilla's mom) is hospitalised.
i'm not sure how to explain what happened.
but it seems really really bad.
so let's pray for her.

Father, i pray for auntie mary.
i pray that You will take away all discomforts and pain.
i pray for Your divine health and protection to be upon her.
i pray that You will give her strength to pull through what she's going through right now.
i pray that You will walk with her and keep her safe.
and Father, i pray that You will give priscilla strength to carry on.
not just through this period but through all the hard times.
i pray that You will be right beside her to guide her in everything she does,
and everything she has to complete.
Father, i pray that You will give her ideas on how to handle such matters if it happens again.
and i pray that You will give her ideas on how to take care of auntie mary in the long run.
in Jesus name i pray, Amen!

baby, i didn't love you lesser.
my love for you didn't fade.
not even a little.

2007-12-13T23:12:00.000+08:00

Happy Birthday Mommy!
so, it's her birthday and she's fifty one year old.
had dinner with her and brother and darling.
ate a lot a lot.
we had crabs and prawns and a lot a lot more.
i'm not supposed to take seafood.
i'm scared my tattoo will be infected.
tomorrow's my bowling tournament.
what a stupid tournament my company has organised.
well, i do hope i'll do quite good.
so i wouldn't disappoint priscilla.
since she was the one who taught me how to bowl and everything.
thanks. (:

baby, being able to spend every single day with you is like heaven.
i would love to have you by my side all day long.
and watch over you.

2007-12-12T22:28:00.000+08:00

on the way to work this morning,
i saw this grandma walking out to the bus stop.
she's the grandma who works in the airport canteen.
and she's the grandma who helps to clear and clean table.
each time she helps my colleagues and i clear,
i'll say 'thank you so much'.
and she'll say 'no need, no need'.
so, i saw her walking to the bus stop.
and there was a pinch in my heart.
i saw a bruise on her cheek bone and one on her fore head.
i felt the pain when i saw that.
i took a step back in the rain, wanted to ask what happened.
but i didn't have the courage to go up to her.
i kept thinking of her and the bruises on her.
it affected me so much that i couldn't concentrate on my work.
so i thought i would pray for her.
but i forgot !!!
this is really bad.
how can i even forget?
well, i'll pray for her to receive healing.
and i'll pray to God to watch over her.

baby, you were here when i needed you.
you were here when i passed the gates of death.
you were here whenever i'm in need.
and i promise i'll be there for you, no matter what.
because i do love you a lot.

2007-12-11T20:32:00.001+08:00

skipped work today.

had to go to the doctor's to get medicine.

then i went town to get a tattoo done.

and i finally had a cup of Godiva dark chocolate raspberry drink.

then went around searching for a cross pendant.

saw one from SK jewellery.

and it costs 520 bucks.

think i want to get that pendant.

it's really nice. ((:

here are some pictures taken :

Taken at the mrt station.

GODIVA !!

The new tattoo i got for myself.

2007-12-10T22:40:00.000+08:00

i am thankful for :
the mess i have to clean up because it means that i'm blessed with friends.
the clothes that fit a little too snug because it means i have enough to eat.
the shadow that watches me when i work because it means i'm out in the sunshine.
the windows that need cleaning because it means i have a home.
the lady behide me in church who sings off key because it means that i can hear.
and for everything that happens in my life because it means i'm blessed.

2007-12-08T22:58:00.000+08:00

yesterday was priscilla's birthday.
had steamboat at her place with crystal, christine, emeline,yinjie, auntie mary, her grandma and darling.
LOTS of mushroom (all kinds actually).
and all kinds of things.
emeline bought a cake from jack's.
but none of us ate it as we were all super duper full.
i washed some of the dishes and christine even video-ed me.
had presents opening after dinner.
darling and i were so scared she wouldn't like the deuter bag we bought her.
but when she said the bag we bought for her was the best gift she received.
and she likes it a lot. it's the orange shade that she likes.
darling and i spent about 105 bucks on her present.
this is the most expensive present i've ever given someone on birthdays.
and she even started using it today !
hmm,
darling and i went ding tai fung for lunch with both brothers.
we ordered a lot please.
had a hard time finishing the food.
headed to town, wanted to get a polo tee from Ralph Lauren.
but christine called to ask me hurry to taka to meet her.
then went to meet her and then drove to priscilla's to fetch her.
headed to tampines safra for bowling.
it was so embarrassing.
but still, i did enjoy it.
another bowling session tmr !!

give me a chance to tell you how much i love you.
give me a chance to tell you how long i've loved you.
give me a chance to express my love.
give me a chance to stay by your side forever.

2007-12-03T23:02:00.000+08:00

when the night is dead,
i'll crawl into my bed.
i'll stare into space,
and i'll think about the last time i had fun.
i'll try to think about everything that makes me happy.
maybe i'm just a kid.
nobody really cares about me.

2007-12-02T23:37:00.000+08:00

went fcbc with priscilla.
and then had bible study at Miss U cafe.
hung out with them at tampines until ten plus.
i think i can click well with people who are quite old.
ahem. thirty plus plus year old.
darling, i know you don't like me to go to church.
i know there are reasons behind it.
but i do hope that you'll come to know how much i want to go to church.
how much i want to believe in God.
how much i want miracles to happen.
sigh. sorry if i'd upset you.

baby, you don't seem to love me anymore.
i dont seem to feel your love.
you seem so far away all of a sudden.

2007-12-01T23:46:00.000+08:00

service's fun today.
i didn't think the preaching is boring for once.
and then i went to meet darling and mommy for dinner.
we went eighty five.
ordered a lot but couldn't even finish.
darling asked me a lot about church and stuff.
i seriously couldn't answer her.
i told her a secret and she got a shocked at first.
then she began to ask me a lot about it.
i'm shock about the secret too. oh well.

baby, you're the greatest blessing i've ever got.
i'll give you all my care and love.
because i've already reserved all of it for you.

2007-11-30T22:52:00.000+08:00

last night priscilla asked how was work for me.
i told her i took half day and that i dont want to work.
she sort of scolded me.
but she said it in a very nice way.
still, i do know that she's trying to imply something.
so the hearing is being postponed because the lawyer wants to.
next hearing would be on the 25th jan.
had to use ten thousand cash to bail him out.
and the lawyer fee costs seven thousand in total.
i wonder what would his sentence be.

baby, i miss your smell.
i miss your hug.
i miss your touch.
i miss your kiss.
i miss your presence.
i miss the sight of you.
i miss the smile of yours.
i miss the childish side of you.
i miss the motherly side of you.
i miss you and i miss you a lil too much.

2007-11-29T22:10:00.000+08:00

took half day leave again.
and i intend to call in for leave tmr.
hahaha. this week seems like my holiday.
my brother got to go to court tomorrow for his sentence.
i wonder what it would be.
i shall pray for him before i sleep.
and before he goes into the court.
though he has a lawyer, i dont think it does help much.
i believe in Jesus.
i believe He answers prayers.

baby, where have you gone to?
you seem to have left my side.
i miss having you right beside me.
i miss your hug and warmth.
come back to me, now.

2007-11-28T20:00:00.000+08:00

took half day leave again.
no more leaves for me tomorrow. :(
i bought hillsong united.
i think the songs are nice.
come to think of it, my laptop has LOTS of christian songs.
someone please tell me about the Ten Commandments.
i shall start my bible study soon.
i've became so holy.
but i've yet to decide which church i want to be planted in.
and which church i want to grow in.
people in fcbc are nice and i do feel welcomed in pris's cell.
but i dont really like the atmosphere there.
people in chc aren't as nice as fcbc's.
i dont feel very welcomed.
but i like the atmosphere there.
so, tell me which one should i stick to?

make Jesus your God and follow Him.

2007-11-27T22:27:00.000+08:00

applied for half day leave today.
shall get another half day leave tomorrow.
actually i'm really sick of working.
i shall wait for the company to fire me.
that would make me a happier person.
and so, i helped darling to move things over to her new house.
xinni asked her dad and her neighbour to help out too.
they're really nice. paid them but they don't want to accept.
all thanks to them, we've got everything moved there.
on 2nd dec, nick vujicic will be at fcbc.
interested parties please do come along.
exclude people who i attitude.
i prefer being a happy person at church.
i don't wish to attitude you. (:

2007-11-26T23:12:00.000+08:00

Father, i pray that You'll protect me through all dangers.
and i pray that You'll cuddle me to sleep for tonight.
and keep me safe in Your arms.
and Father i pray that You'll bless those who needs some blessings,
keep them save in Your arms and show them Your love.
i pray that Father, You will be there for Daphne whenever she needs You.
she needs Your protection and Your love.
Amen!

2007-11-25T23:12:00.000+08:00

went church with priscilla.
and i think the people there are all very weird.
except for some.
well, city harvest's worse.
more weird looking people.
but priscilla's friends aren't weird.
this lady by the name of michelle is very funny.
she kept disturbing and making me laugh,
during preaching and praying.
i promised priscilla and michelle that i'll go church next week.
okay, probably i'll be going. (:
i've learnt three points in church.
1. encounter lavish love.
2. experience greatest gift.
3. exercise simple steps.
hahaha. well, this is all that i know.
so after that, priscilla drove to darling's to help them with their stuff.
and then i went dinner with darling and her grandma and brother.
and priscilla went beach.
WITHOUT US LAAAAA.
anyway, im planning not to go to work tomorrow.
so sick of working in the office.
i need what i need is three months of leave.
so i can enjoy life. hahaha.

you're amazing.
you brought me close to you.
you drew me near to you.
i want to know more about you.
and i want you to know more about me.

2007-11-21T23:18:00.000+08:00

try OceanSpray cranberries.
the sweetened dried cranberries.
its fat-free.
and it has NO trans fat.

baby, i'll be there when you need me.
even when you get me all drenched in the rain.
or even when you made me stepped into the pool of mud.
i'll still love you.

2007-11-18T23:15:00.000+08:00

went city harvest yesterday.
i think the service's quite enjoyable.
but darling seems uninterested.
i shall not force her to go church with me anymore.
she shall not be the victim.
joyce bought me a really pretty red bible.
and it costs fifty six bucks.
thank you. :D
i might be going church with priscilla next week.
shall ask yj along.
i wanna check out that church.
heard from vincent it's quite fun.
and thank you, priscilla.
she went like,
"i pray that God will be your strength and miracle for the rest of today and tmr. Amen."
that was nice. (:
darling said she was tired so i forwarded her that.
and guess what's her reply?
"FARK YOU"
that's her reply.
seriously, i got a shock.
but i laughed still.
cause i think darling's always so silly.
i love her still.

baby, where have you gone to?
come back to me.
come back to my side.
i want you a lil.
i want you a lil too much.

2007-11-14T21:31:00.000+08:00

i'm eating my ben and jerry's strawberry cheesecake ice cream.
yum yum.
i want to stock up my freezer with ben and jerry's.
name the flavours, and i've got it.
i've got three months and two days more to go.
after the attachment, i'll be free!
i hate working in the office.
i'm never going to work once i graduate.
well, i'm going to continue my studies.
after higher nitec, comes the diploma.
and after diploma, comes the degree.
yes, i'm determined to get into university.
i'd rather study all the way till i grow old.
i don't want to work at all.
don't ever offer me a job.

baby, hold me,
and i'll hold you tight.
kiss me, and i'll kiss you plenty.
love me, and i'll never stop loving you.

2007-11-10T16:07:00.000+08:00

why do couples quarrel over stupid things?
over things like drinking, smoking, eating, going somewhere.
isn't it dumb to quarrel over these?
why not save those quarrels for better things?
why not save those crying for something else?
why not save those energy for some loving?
why not just forget about everything and continue with life?

2007-11-07T23:33:00.000+08:00

took a cab to work again.
fucking traffic jam.
i hate the jam laaaaaaaaaaa.
im happy with work today.
everybody's very impressed with me.
and my memory.
actually my boss asked me to memorise the phonetic alphabets.
its an international phonetic code.
and then from A-Z there's a word to it.
i memorised it in less than three mins.
and she thought i was kidding.
so she tested me.
she asked what's the phonetic alphabets for AMSTERDAM.
and i went:
"alpha,mike,sierra,tango,echo,romeo,delta,alpha,mike"
and she tested me so many.
i got it all right and fast.
she was like "omg. ure fantastic."
hahahaha. and she even tested me on china map.
i've good memory. ((:

A - alpha
B - bravo
C - charlie
D - delta
E - echo
F - foxtrot
G - golf
H - hotel
I - india
J - juliet
K - kilo
L - lima
M - mike
N - november
O - oscar
P - papa
Q - quebec
R - romeo
S - sierra
T - tango
U - uniform
V - victor
W - whisky
X - xray
Y - yankee
Z - zulu

baby, you're all i've ever wanted.
you're all i've ever needed.
you're all i've ever loved.

2007-11-05T21:10:00.000+08:00

work sucks.

dont ever go for attachment if you have a choice.

went parkway with darling and jo.

had sakae sushi for dinner.

and i went to nike to buy a bottle.

YAYY. i've a new bottle.

i shall show you guys my new pullover.

i bought this from united colours of benetton.

its actually a kid's pullover.

and i took XL. hahaha.

isn't it nice?

its very thick and comfy.

i love. ((:

baby, take me deeper.

deeper than i've ever had before.

i just want to love you like never before.

2007-11-04T23:50:00.000+08:00

met torrance yesterday and we slacked at liat's starbucks.
and i had blister on both my feet.
she went to get a box of plaster for me.
how sweet of her. thanks a lot. (:
torrance, i'll be nicer to you the next time okay.
since ure my dearest cousin. haha.
then we headed to harry's bar at the esplanade.
she had thirty three cider (i never liked that).
and i had virgin margarita (damn sour).
and we slacked till nine plus and went home.
so, i had to work today.
was very sleepy while working.
and i ate a lot a lot.
what i ate today is what i had for the whole of last week.
hahahaha. seems like it.
anyway, got to work again.
im so sick of working at the airport.
i wanna quit. or just let them fire me.

baby, i feel down when i miss you.
i feel down when i dont see you.
i feel down when you're far away.
i want you here.
by my side.
and watch me.
and love my every move.

2007-10-31T23:13:00.000+08:00

woke up early to go to the doctor's.
i wasn't sick when i woke up.
but ended up being sick when i reached the clinic.
had flu and sore throat.
and was having gastritis and mense cramps.
and so i've got two days medical leave.
HOORAYS !
i dont have to go to work.
damn happy. left with friday to work only.
hahaha.
i slept the whole day.
but i still feel sick after waking up.
i didn't take medicine. and i dont want to.
i'll just let it cure naturally. ((:

baby, i miss you a little.
i miss you a little too much.
come cuddle next to me.
i wanna fall asleep right in your arms.

YESTERDAY

left office during lunch time yesterday.
wasn't feeling well actually.
then met torrance in town.
wanted to chop her up into pieces mann.
called her so many times and she was sleeping like a log.
then i made her rush down to meet me.
hahahaha. was feeling damn sick.
so we settled down at suntec's starbucks.
that's the first time i didn't get any drinks.
well. simply because i wasn't well.
and i didn't have much appetite.
after much sitting, went to walk around.
met darling to go home together.

baby, i just love having you around me.
your touch and kisses makes me feel loved.
you make me feel like an angel.

2007-10-29T23:08:00.000+08:00

went terminal five for lunch with colleagues.
ate less than one quarter.
having terrible mense cramps since morning.
and i just feel like dying now.
some kind souls please get me a box of panadol extra.

baby, your presence makes me love you.
your kisses makes me go weak.
your touches makes me crave for more.
can't you see i want more of you?

2007-10-27T00:36:00.000+08:00

i didn't go to work today.
promised darling i'll go to the cremation with her.
it's my first time there and it was very cold there.
i kept shivering and try to warm my hands by touching yinjie.
hahaha. i think she thinks that im mad.
and so, after cremation, we headed back for a feast.
oh and i think priscilla's very pissed.
she couldn't get to see the coffin disappeared in sight.
well. because auntie mary fainted and she needed to be warded.
hopefully she gets well soon.
and i hope priscilla would be fine. (:
hmm. im so into holy bible now.
darling thinks i love the bible more than her.
which is not true.
i just love reading the holy bible.
i remember reading something two years back.
"when a man and woman marries,the woman's body belongs to the husband.
and the man's body belongs to the wife"
hahaha. this is so cool.

baby. i can't seem to get you out of my mind.
come a little closer, wont you?
so i could taste a little of you.

2007-10-25T22:37:00.000+08:00

its my third day of work at airport.
fucking boring though i've a lot of things to do.
they kept forcing knowledges into my head.
i think i can't cope with those damn thick books.
they made me read thick books.
its driving me crazy.
im not going to work tmr.
i dont want to work.
hahahaha.

2007-10-22T21:16:00.000+08:00

im being attached to DSV at the airport for two months.
then will be at shenton way for another two months.
allowance's 600 bucks a month.
which is not bad. seriously.
there are people who gets 400 bucks only.
first day of work, heavy rain.
walked out of the condo, i realised i didn't bring my bus card.
reached workplace, did filing the whole day.
fucking boring.
i even fell asleep while doing filing.
and i even listened to ipod. and texted.
hopefully four months of attachment will pass soon.

2007-10-11T01:29:00.000+08:00

i'm in love with this indon song.
it's really nice though i dont understand a single word.
okay damn. i only like the tune.
that's what it interests me.
hmm. i got to return to school next week.
and i'll be able to know where i'll be attached to.
hopefully it's somewhere near.
i've been really happy these days.
thanks to darling.
she makes me happy everyday.
every single spent with her is the greatest gift from god.
thank you for being there whenever i need you.
thank you for lending me a shoulder to cry on over really stupid matters.
thank you for being the best girlfriend ever. (:

2007-10-08T02:55:00.000+08:00

all As for exams.
so overall i've seven As, one B and one C.
gpa 3.75.
do you think im qualified to get into poly?

2007-10-01T00:16:00.000+08:00

didn't sleep well the past few days.
damn the rashes on my neck.
i've been waking up around five am.
and then i'll be scratching non stop till six plus.
then i'll fall asleep again.
how bad can my sleep get to?
i've tried applying some dermatology cream on it.
but it doesn't help.
so i went to the doctor's in the end.
it fucking costs 32 bucks for just a cream and four tiny tablets.
well, its of good course anyway.
and im gonna tell you guys that i've became a glutton.
i've been gulping and gulping all kinds.
and i've been slumbering the day away.
what kind of life do i live?
i bet its the kind a piglet leads.

2007-09-29T01:12:00.000+08:00

who's gonna comfort me?
even though the blames are on you,
i'll take those blames from you.
and you can put the blame on me.
i'll talk care of everything.

2007-09-28T00:41:00.000+08:00

why am i afraid of the dark?
why am i afraid of walking by the pool in the dark?
why am i afraid of sounds made by uncertainty?
if we were to trace down our fears to the root,
we will have to come face to face with the spectre of death.
yes, im afraid of death.
seriously, who wouldn't be afraid of death?
whenever i watch critical rescue on scv,
i'll panic for them.
i woke up early so i switched on the television.
and then i watched critical rescue.
somewhere in the states, the plane crashed into the icy cold water.
with the snow plates all above the water.
everybody in the plane died except five survived.
i watched and i kept telling myself not to fear.
i wonder what would it be like if im one of the victim.
there's no way i can imagine that.
like i've said, im afraid of death.

2007-09-27T01:05:00.000+08:00

i didn't know my blog could inspire someone so much.
but im glad it did.
and thanks for the blessing you gave.
its really very much appreciated.
alright. so i went sentosa to sun tan.
the tan's just nice.
and when we were about to leave sentosa,
it started to rain.
so isn't it nice that we had our tan and we left before it rains?

2007-09-25T13:00:00.000+08:00

the way you walk, the way you move, the way you talk,
the way you stare, the way you look, your style, your hair,
the way you smile, the way you smell, it drives me wild.
and i can't go on without you.

2007-09-20T00:20:00.000+08:00

ohh. thought i'll be able to blog before twelve.
too late alr mann.
anyway, my uncle came back from L.A.
and i heard him talking damn louding in the morning.
fucking six plus in the morning okay.
and then i heard hom talking again around ten plus.
he asked my mom this.
"so late alr, alyssa still dont want to wake up ahh?"
and my mom went "she worked last night. and reached home quite late"
then the next thing is,
he came knocking on my door telling me he bought breakfast for me.
and i couldn't get back to sleep anymore.
so, i got ready and went to msq.
colleagues and i went to gwc for steak.
wahlau. i tell you. its damn nice okays.
i ate so much till i nearly puke the banana split out.
i even had two glasses of orange plus mango juice.
damn. im supposed to be dieting, aint i?
and i had everything for FREE.
after eating, i went town to meet hanizah.
supposed to meet her at six.
but i reached at six thirty.
and she blamed me for being late.
anyway, i've always been the one waiting.
so i dont care. ((:
then jon and ben came along.
had long john and subway cookies.
met ben's cousin after eating.
they bought beer and asked me to drink.
i was like "cannot. i dont want."
i know once i drink, i'll be fucking unwell.
so after hanging out for a while,
i went to bugis to meet darling.
and so, im gonna go over to darling's tmr.
shall drink over at her place instead.
im craving for lots of cookies and donuts.
hahaha.

baby, your smile turns me on.
your touch makes me want you more.

2007-09-13T23:19:00.000+08:00

didn't sleep at all the whole night.
my elder brother paid two thousand bucks to bail jeryan out.
and guess what. my brother punched him right in his face.
and there's a bruise now.
sometimes i think he deserves it.
but mom shows sympathy.
she said he needs attention which i think so too.
okays. now i pity him.
he's going to court soon.
high chance of getting into prison.
my mom's really really worried.
she spent the whole morning cum afternoon calling all my lawyers' relative.
only today, i realised i've so many relatives who are lawyers.
anyhow, the pervious lawyer fee was 12 000 bucks.
plus his 10 000 bucks bail.
came up to 22 000 bucks.
and this time, im sure it'll cost more.
probably up to 30 000 bucks?
wah. its really a lot of money.
and if only i've 1/5 of that money.
anyway, i had my last paper today.
went over to grandma's for a short while.
then headed home to bathe and headed to bugis.
met darling at seafood harvest.
sheryl's so cute. missed her a lot.
darling and i then headed to town.
after dinner and walking for a short while,
i saw mel's girlfriend with this girl.
immediately i called mel.
our convo went like this :
"me: is your girlfriend working today?
mel: she's working. why?
me: are you sure? she's not working la.
mel: i think she's having break now or something. why la?
me: i saw her with another girl.
mel: is it this very tan girl? she's my friend la.
me: are you sure? i think your gf is cheating on you.
mel: no. we fought so my friend is consoling her.
me: but they're so close. so fake la your gf.
mel: dont worry la. blah blah blah"
i dont remember alr. hahahas.
so darling and i went to drink at heeren, the balcony.
we had housepour vodka with seven up and ginger ale.
darling turned red after drinking half and that's really terrible.
and then we went to orange julius for ice cream.
i had strawberry cheese quake.
the guy made a medium one for me though i ordered small.
it was so much that i only managed to finish half.
took a few pics.

alright. i shall not continue. its too long.

2007-09-12T22:55:00.000+08:00

pp paper was super easy.
except for some mcqs.
i think i'll be able to get a high A.
which is what i've been expecting.
and im in a deep shit now.
my lovely lil brother got into trouble.
he got caught for stealing a handphone.
and so he's on his way to the headquarter.
i wonder what will happen this time.
my mom is sooooooo depressed right now.
we kept asking each other what to say if grandpa were to ask.
i seriously have no clue.
my elder brother is super duper major angry.
i've this feeling he's gonna beat up my younger brother again.
worse than before, i bet.
so my elder brother is asking bingcong what will happen.
since he's a policeman. ~~though he doesn't look like one~~
im still clueless.
what am i supposed to tell grandpa?
what will happen to brother if grandpa knows?
what will grandpa do?
what will mom have to do?
what will mom have to say if grandpa scolds her?
what will, what will and what will?
tell me what to do.

2007-09-11T02:18:00.000+08:00

im hoping for an A for cdn and pp.
i've started studying pp and my cpu is quite full alr.
shall not kill anymore brain cells.
im left with dont know how many hours.
to finish up my pp.
three more units to go.
alyssa, you better do well and get into poly.
or else you'll be crying like some fucking baby.

baby, i miss you so much.
and i want you by my side.
so we could cuddle to sleep.
everything seems to be changing.
but my love for you remains the way you want it.

2007-09-09T16:17:00.000+08:00

tmr's my cdn paper.
im fucking freaked out.
i even dreamt of myself in the exam hall.
and i dont know how to do a single mcq question.
this is fucking annoying.
and im going to the airport to see my uncle off.
hopefully i'll have time to finish up my studying.
i'll cry again if i dont finish studying.
OHH.
my dieting is getting nowhere.
i had curry and a cup of grapes for lunch.
and i think i just put on five pounds.
kill me please.
my anut's coming over with dinner.
and i told her not to buy my share.
she knows im on diet and i dont care.
i dont want to take dinner.
anyway, i'm gonna stop smoking.
i feel so sick after smoking these days.
think im too stressed with the damn studying.
and i refuse to consume much solids.
only liquid will do.

2007-09-07T22:03:00.001+08:00

guess what. i slept through the day.
woke up at one plus in the afternoon.
then i had lunch.
two sesame ball.
and then i studied a lil and i took a nap again.
from five thirty to seven thirty.
i was fucking bored.
and i had a cup of yogurt and two buns for dinner.
i wasn't even hungry then my grandpa made the buns for me.
grandpa scolded my brother again.
"grandpa: why you didn't buy dinner for jiejie?
brother: huh. i dont know alyssa's at home.
grandpa: you should call and ask what she wants to eat.
brother: i didn't know whatt."
i think my grandpa's too concern.
he kept scolding my brother for nothing.
he doesn't scold me at all.
kept buying things for me.
kept asking me to eat this and that.
kept making me put on weight.
i dont want. i wanna lose weight.
and the best part is.
im going to meet darling for supper at mac soon.
i dont think i wanna take in anymore food.
im determined to lose weight.

2007-09-07T00:35:00.000+08:00

im so upset with myself.
i told myself im supposed to be losing weight.
but in the end i ate so much today.
i woke up at twelve and i had a plate of curry bee hoon.
but i vomited out after eating.
stomach wasn't feeling very well.
the curry was way too spicy for me.
and then darling and i was so bored.
suddenly i said i wanna go escape theme park.
so we hurried and we headed there.
we didn't spend much time there.
about two hours plus.
we paid sixteen bucks just for two hours.
but then,
we have two free adult tickets. hahaha.
and then we headed for sakae sushi.
damn it. that's where i ate so much.
after dinner, we played pool with friends.
after playing for more than an hour,
we headed home.
wanted to nap. but i heard something.
"ling ling ling"
THE ICE CREAM MAN !!
i pushed darling and rushed down to get ice cream.
hahahaha. its really very unlike me.
and so, i had a raspberry ripple ice cream.
then we went to mama shop buy cigg.
fuck the ah nei auntie please.
she wanted my ic.
for god's sake, who would bring ic down to buy ice cream?
she insisted on seeing my ic.
and she said i look like sixteen years old.
what the hell. i was like "ahh forget it. cb"
then i was so pissed i went back home.
finished up my ice cream and took my ic down.
she didn't believe im ninteen please.
so in the end i bought the ciggs.
went to the playground with dar to play the swing.
swing swing swing. all the way up there.
okay. so after fagging, we wen back home.
and we had two glasses of vodka lime.
i seriously think i had a lot of things today.
im quite depressed actually. im so fucking fat.
anyway, i've cut down on sugar-ed drinks.
means no more coke for me.
i've been drinking plain water the whole day for a couple of days alr.
im trying to achieve my ideal weight.
thirty eight kg will do.
i wouldn't ask for more.
dear god, let alyssa lose a lil weight.
and she wouldn't complain anymore.
she'll live her life to the fullest.
and blah blah blah.
amen.
hahahaha. damn.
alyssa's dumb. who cares.

baby, do you adore me?
do you adore me?
so you adore me?
well. i adore you.
much for than anything in the world.

2007-09-05T00:40:00.000+08:00

what if someone holds your hand?
do you think she likes you?
what if someone touches your face when you lie next to her?
do you think she wants you?
what if someone applies lip balm in front of you?
do you think she wants you to taste her lips?
okays. im being random again.
fucking backbone damn painful.
please massage it for me.

baby, hold my hands once again.
hold me in your arms once again.
kiss me on the lips once again.
i need you here with me once again.

2007-09-04T01:07:00.000+08:00

had a haircut this morning.
then met darling to get some groceries.
headed home to bathe again.
went to parkway's jack's for dinner with vincent, kim and dar.
wah. their service sucks like hell.
we ordered a lot.
one dozen escargots.
one pan of lobster and crab stuffed mushrooms.
one pan of deep fried wanton.
one garlic steak (for me).
one mixed grill (for vince).
two steak and catfish (for dar and kim).
one carafe of fresh honeydew juice.
and one glass of shirley temple (for dar).
then there was this server.
she tried to carry four hot plates.
and i was being nice to even ask if she can carry.
she said yes.
the next moment, we all got a shock.
cos we heard her dropping those hot plates.
damn fucking loud.
so the total bill came up to 102 bucks.
we were supposed to be entitled to fifty percent off.
but vincent's manager card expired alr.
so we ended up paying everything.
and then we headed to town.
went orchard library.
the cafe gelilee for cocoa mocha.
after reading some comics, we went heeren.
omg. i tell you people.
i'll seriously die if nobody invented tampons.
its really comfortable.
i wonder why people uses sanitary pads when tampons are so fucking comfortable.
and so, you people should try using tampons.
i swear you'll love it.
and find pads very unhygenic.
ohh. and i got burnt by cigg when i was fagging.
i dropped the fag and was fucking all the way.
fucking painful.
and i heard that i got to go to school.
yvvy and i intend to wear home clothes.
shall not care if we get caught or what.
we dont care. hahahaha.
okays. i think i typed a lil too much.
gonna stop here. and off to bed.
need to get some rest or else i wouldn't be able to wake up.

baby, you know i miss you a lot.
if i could have a wish,
i'd want to spend another night with you.

2007-09-03T01:07:00.000+08:00

my backbone hurts. its fucking painful.
can't even sit or stand properly.
i had panadols to kill the pain.
but it doesn't help. wanted to kill myself.
im too tired to finish up this entry.
will do it some other time when i feel like it.

2007-08-31T01:10:00.000+08:00

i love this fucking manhattan bag.

it fucking costs 210 bucks.

anyway, i met jon in town in the evening.

sat at coffee bean again.

then i went over ue square to look for vincent.

had moist cake and ice lemon tea.

and then i went over bugis to fetch darling.

half way there, i wanted to puke so badly.

i walked damn fucking fast to bugis outlet and puked.

felt so fucking unwell.

darling sent me home earlier on.

thank you dar. and the donuts too. (:

baby, im so lucky to have known you.

you brought so much fun into my life.

you mean so much to me.

with those random kisses you gave me.

and those love we made.

it means a lot to me.